Thursday, November 24, 2011
Friday, October 22, 2010
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks dog.
#1. Governor starts to intervene, reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.
#2. He calls animal control. Animal control captures coyote and spends $200 testing it for diseases and $500 upon relocating it.
#3. He calls veterinarian. Vet collects dead dog and spends $200 testing it for diseases.
#4. Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting bite wound bandaged.
#5. Running trail gets shut down for 6 months while wildlife services conduct a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is clear of dangerous animals.
#6. Governor spends $50,000 of state funds implementing a "coyote awareness" program for residents of the area.
#7. State legislature spends $2 million investigating how to better handle rabies and how to possibly eradicate the disease.
#8. Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack and for letting the Governor intervene.
#9. Cost: $75,000 to train new security agent.
#10. PETA protests the coyote relocation and files suit against the state.
#1. Governor shoots coyote and keeps jogging. Governor has spent
$0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge. Buzzards eat dead coyote.
And you wonder why California is broke????
Monday, May 31, 2010
Thursday, April 08, 2010
The densest element in the known Universe has been found!
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an of 311.
These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
The symbol of Pelosium is PU.
Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNNadnausium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.
Monday, March 15, 2010
From my friends at Random Nuclear Strikes.
Bumper-Stickers Seen On Military Bases.
“Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism, Socialism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything.”
” U.S. Marines - Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating Club.”
” U.S. Air Force - Travel Agents To Allah”
“Stop Global Whining”
“When In Doubt, Empty The Magazine” Naval Corollary: Dead Men Don’t Testify.
“The Marine Corps - When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight”
“Death Smiles At Everyone - Marines Smile Back”
“Marine Sniper - You can run, but you’ll just die tired!”
“What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist? A Little Recoil”
“Marines - Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For their Country Since 1775″
“Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It”
“Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon”
“It’s God’s Job to Forgive Bin Laden - It’s Our Job To Arrange The Meeting”
“Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just A Vulgar Brawl”
“One Shot, Twelve Kills - U.S. Naval Gun Fire Support”
“My Kid Fought In Iraq So Your Kid Can Party In College”
“Machine Gunners - Accuracy By Volume”
“A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy - Blessed Be The Peacemakers”
“If You Can Read This, Thank A Teacher. If You Can Read It In English, Thank A Veteran”
“Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world.
U.S. Marines don’t have that problem.” …U.S. President Ronald Reagan
Thanks to Jerry Pournelle
Update" Corrected typo.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Update: Edited to correct errors in spelling and labeling.