From an online veteran's group I belong to:
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
* Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop.
* Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet
seat by using the sink.
* A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after
you hit the snooze button.
* If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives;
then you'll be afraid to cough.
* You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If
it doesn't move and should, use the WD -40. If it
shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
* Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know
them.
* Finally: If you can't fix it with a hammer,
you've got an electrical problem.