Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My Portion Of The Stimulus

wireless and broadband deployment grant programs

(including transfer of funds to Doc G. for the Doc G. Personal Economic Stimulus Program)

    For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $350,000,000 shall be paid directly to Doc G. in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by Doc G. to avoid economic catrastrophe and to be well armed for all eventualities or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That Doc G. will receive free Guy Clark tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That Doc G. shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Arlen Specter is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.

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